It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
