So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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