I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
