This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
