My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
