Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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