weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize