Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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