you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
