im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
