The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize