Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
