Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
