ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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