that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
