All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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