i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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