i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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