There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
