Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
