I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
