You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Michael Bay diarrhea
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
