I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
