Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
