my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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