Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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