i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
