Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
