i think my mom watched the whole time
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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