he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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