everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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