Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
