and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
