My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
