i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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