ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
