Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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