3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
