i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
