yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
