I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
