Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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