so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize