sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
