and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You just made me feel so damn special
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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