If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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