i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
