Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
