Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
