He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
