Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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