im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
