i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just tell him i said nine months
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
