I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
