oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
