i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
