I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
