My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
