I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
