I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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