We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
