The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
