Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
