My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
