I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
