didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
