Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
