I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
