Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
