my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
