Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
