she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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