In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
