OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
