You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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