no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
