gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
