The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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