addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize