I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
