True but thats because hes a fetus.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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