im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
