Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
