"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
