I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
