what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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