There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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