is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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