new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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