my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize