i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize