had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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