I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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