just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
