Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
