She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
