and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
