the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
