We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
