I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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